Have you ever thought about the fact that things that you love or, on the contrary, hate, your hobbies, interests, lifestyle aren’t really yours? That you tend to like or dislike something not entirely on your own but from a social foist on you?

This phenomenon has always been a thing, since it’s a normal human characteristic: you see something, you like it and you copy it. That’s basically how our development goes from a very young age. Children learn new skills by observing and repeating after others, and that’s normal. But the more it goes, the less we seem to have individual experiences or preferences. Everything influences us – movies we watch, books we read, people we talk to. Now it has reached its extreme point, as there are thousands of bloggers, who impose their views on us, tell us how we should live, what we should or shouldn’t do in order to be happy, successful, or to be seemed cool…

Again, it’s one of those things that we all know in our mind, somewhere on a subconscious level, but don’t truly realize. It hit me the other day, as I was thinking about that I haven’t been to the city centre for a couple of months. My first thought was that it’s kinda embarrassing, and that’s when the other, wiser part of my brain asked: “who said that it’s embarrassing though? who has decided, that you should go to the downtown every other day? what will it give you?”. Somehow someone has once decided that people, especially cool people, should go to the center all the time, even if they have no business or desire to walk around the stuffy and crowded streets. And everyone else blindly accepts this routine, and feels guilty for not following that same pattern.

That’s when I realized how influenced our mindset is, even when we think that we’re quite independent and subjective. Then I started thinking about all the cases when people do what they don’t really want, just because somehow they feel like they have to do it. And I’m not talking about our duties, like jobs, family responsibilities or errands. I’m talking about the things we are supposed to enjoy. Like throwing an expensive and luxurious wedding just because that’s what everyone should do when they decide to get married. Or traveling every time you take some time off work, because what else should you be doing? You can’t possibly have a vacation and spend it doing absolutely nothing, that’s lame. Dying your hair ginger because that’s the new trending color, even if it doesn’t suit you at all. Or watching only the most popular films and series, reading the overhyped authors, just because everyone’s talking about these works. I can go on and on with the examples, but I think you get the point.

Is it possible to get rid of this social foist? Only in one case – if you move far away to a deserted area, build yourself a small hut somewhere deep in the woods or the mountains with no internet or mobile service and get completely detached from everything and everyone else. Otherwise whatever you do, you’ll still get somehow affected. It is possible though to minimize that influence, by always being conscious, by taking some time to work on yourself, analyze your true self, remember what you liked as a child and what brings you true joy right now. It means that every time you make a decision you have to stop for a second and think whether it’s actually your desire or the one forced on you by someone else. It’s quite easy to differentiate between those two. Just think for a moment, would you buy that dress if it didn’t have the name of one of those fancy boutiques on its label? Would you get that haircut if your favorite actress didn’t have it? Would you visit that country if all the travel bloggers didn’t tell you that it’s the best place on Earth? These type of questions will come to your rescue. Last but not least you should be ready to be seen as the weird one, the odd one out, the white crow, because that’s how many people will see you, if you refuse to be like them. It’s a long and bumpy road, but I’m sure that the results will be absolutely worth it.