It has already become a sort of tradition for me to revise the passing year. This time though I’m taking this a little further and doing a whole 2010s’ recap.
I think I say this every year, but time flies so freaking fast! I mean when I think about 2008, it feels like it was only a few years ago. And when someone says 10 years ago, I think of 90s or early 00s. But at the same time, when you think what you have done and achieved in those years, how much you’ve changed, it feels like centuries ago.
So let’s start. In 2010 I was 13, still in middle school. To be honest it wasn’t a turning point for my life, my turning year was 2008. But 2010 was the year I became really into music. I started guitar lessons, and re-started playing piano. I was constantly listening to music, playing my favorite songs by ear, I even wrote some songs’ lyrics and music, and seriously wanted to go to musical college. However that phase passed, but still, sometimes I think maybe that was my real path, to go in that direction.
In 2011 I graduated from middle school and went to high school. I had my only prom (I didn’t go to the one of high school or uni), which was fun. It was a year of lots of realizations, as for the first semester of high school I didn’t have any friends and was all alone. But now remembering it, it was still quite fun, I would skip classes to go to the gym and play volleyball, and during breaks I would just listen to music and wander in the halls. Also I must mention that these past two years were my cool-rock-grunge period, and I’m not at all ashamed for that. And also this year was the first time I went out of the country without my parents, we went to Moscow with my sister, and it was really fun.
2012 was a year of lots of losses from the beginning of the year. It was hard and sad at the beginning, but it ended quite good. I got a friend in high school, and later we had a whole big group of friends and it was so much fun. Though later I realized that those people, let’s say, weren’t the best, but still, not gonna deny, time spent with them was really fun. And it was the time for me to kind of prove and maintain my real self, my interests, hobbies, even opinions, which to be honest, I failed. I was always different, and in that company I was the white crow. And I thought everyone else was better and I was trying to hide my true identity, interests, even jokes, not to be laughed at. I stopped listening to rock music, started listening to rap, watch the movies that were famous among my friends. So I kind of lost myself in a way.
2013 was another year of realizations, as I found out that almost all my “friends” were gossiping about me, saying lots of bad stuff but still pretending to be best of friends and that was quite a shock for me. I was so naive that I thought that if someone is my friend, they won’t gossip about me, and they actually love me. Or that if someone says “oh I like your shirt”, they actually did like my shirt, otherwise why would they lie, I didn’t see a point in that. What a fool. It was one of the greatest lessons, that brought me to cruel reality. And I’m really thankful for all those people, because first of all we did have much fun, and second for teaching me the great lesson. 2013 was a very fun year (I think I’m using this word way too much). I think it was the golden year of my teenage-hood, sweet 16, year of lots of crazy ideas, fun with friends, drinking, maybe even a little over-drinking. I did lots of things that year, dyed my hair, smoked hookah, did a graffiti on the wall, pierced my ears, traveled to 2 countries with a big group of family and friends, tried to ride a horse, etc. So 2013 is still one of my favorite years. In september I started tutoring, and 2014 became another turning point in my life. I was working really hard, I don’t think I’ve ever worked that hard, learning till late night, doing homework even during holidays and weekends. I had my goal to enter university, but I never even thought about why I wanted that. The tutoring year is commonly the most hated time for everyone, but for me it was another great year. Though it was really difficult, and it was the year I first got anxiety, still it was one of the best years for me. After I graduated and passed my exams I was so depressed. I was working so hard on something, and in one day all ended and it was really sad. I entered university, and from day one I had the feeling that it wasn’t my place. I already recapped my university years, in another blog, so i’m not going to write that again. At first I was very insecure in university, I thought everyone else was so much better and smarter than me. But I was lucky to have some friends in there, and it was the beginning of a new life, and many new exciting things. And I don’t remember correctly, whether it was 2013 or 2014, but I opened a blog in one of those years, and was quite successful there, but later I closed it, as I lost my inspiration for that while.
2015, another my favorite year (I noticed that the odd numbers are my favorite years I don’t know why). I started watching lots of youtubers and even opened my own channel and made some videos. I also started writing again, this time I opened this blog, and have till now. The whole year I was constantly so inspired, because I finally met other people, who had the same interests and even personalities as I did (by saying met, I mean online). So seeing that I’m not the only “white crow”, made me more confident and made me love whatever I loved even harder. And it was another great year for traveling, as we so lots of amazing places that year.
2016, another turning point. I slowly started to loose interest in going the same cafes, same things, all the same. I became more introverted, I started doing yoga, became more and more connected with nature, and my inner self. I think it was the year I read the most books, but I might be wrong. I started cooking that year, learned how to skate, started binge watching lots of new tv-shows. I gave up lots of junk food that I was eating, as I was feeling constantly sick of that, though it also had a psychosomatic reason. It was the moment for me to decide whether I keep my true identity or blend in with others, and this time I can proudly say that I won that battle, and I chose to love what I loved and do whatever I wanted to do.
At the end of 2016 we went to Italy, and had New Year and my birthday in there, so we’re now in 2017. And that trip was life-changing in so many great ways. It was the year of lots of traveling, I visited 4 new countries and that was amazing. With every new place you feel changed, and so did I, I became a better version of me. I started to loose my interest in uni more and more, and kind of had another greater and more exciting life beyond it. Also I did learn lots of stuff, how to prioritize things right, put me and my interests in the first place, not lie and be as honest as possible. Lots of people didn’t really enjoy that, I think, but I could care less, as for me it was a personal growth. It was also the year of lots of new great blog posts, many many amazing songs learned on piano, new activities, overcoming myself, my fears and anxiety, and trying to live the best life possible.
The great milestone of 2018 was me graduating from university. I finally felt freedom in many many years, and that freedom gave me new kind of wings. It was another great year for traveling, seeing lots of new things, and trying lots of new stuff, even food, which for me is a big step, as I’m too picky when it comes to food. I started learning lots of new things, not only in spiritual and esoteric sphere, but also in general knowledge, facts, mythology, science etc.
And now 2019. Not gonna lie, my least favorite year in this decade, the most difficult but the most teaching one. Again I learned so many things, things I thought I knew before, but actually didn’t. I kind of got acquainted with me once again, and finally understood lots of things about my own self. I lost everything and almost everyone in my life, and started doing the puzzle of my life from the very beginning. And I don’t know how much I’ve accomplished from that puzzle, as I still have no clear image of my life, but that’s more than fine for me, as I’m now taking things the way they are. I learned appreciating even the smallest things, pay attention to the positive. And still, even in a not the best year of my life, I have many good memories. Doing lots of translations, becoming a volunteer, seeing a few new places, having a number of small dreams come true, doing lots of great photography, something I’m proud of.
I can’t compare this decade with the previous one, as in 00s I was a child. In 2010s though I became a teenager, then an adult. I’ve learned everything I know, met lots of new people, made many good friends, even if most of them aren’t in my life anymore, I’m still more than thankful for every single person, every single event, good or bad that happened in my life. I lost my true identity, tried to become like everyone else, but then brought my originality back, I slowly gained self-confidence, accepted me for being always different and finally appreciated myself. All of the small and big things that happened in these years made me into the person I’m now, and I’m quite proud of who I am. Even with all my imperfections, all my bad sides, fears, everything, that’s me. And I’m not gonna compare myself to others, or evaluate how good or bad I am.
I don’t make any resolutions or plans for 2020. One of the things I learned this year, is just to let things go the way they’re supposed to go. So I don’t have anything to say for the coming year. I know that eventually everything will turn out great.
For you I wish a very happy New year, let all your dreams come true!
p.s. enjoy some of my photos throughout this decade.