“I live in two worlds, one is a world of books…”
Or in my case I can say a world of fiction in general.
I realized this very strange fact recently. Of course I always knew that a big part of me lives in her own imaginary fantasy world, but this time it became clearer. Everything started with me thinking about some of my memories. And even to my surprise I came to the thought, that I consider the books I read or movies/tv-shows I watched at that particular time as my own memories. For me there’s almost no distinction between an event that happened in my real life or sth I saw or read about. I know that it probably sounds crazy, but still that’s the truth. And whenever someone, especially not a close person mentions a movie or book I love, or a character in it, it just warms my heart so much, it’s like they’re talking about my old dear friend or a family member. I know it’s strange, I know.
This all comes from the fact that I don’t just watch a movie or read a book and forget about it, noo, it becomes a part of me, and vice versa if I can say so. I don’t mean now all the books and movies, no, that would be just too insane even for me I guess. I’m mostly talking about tv-shows, trilogies, or movies that consist of few parts. It always feels like a whole new world to me, new family, new adventures. It feels like I also take part in everything that happens in there. I learn, I fight, I love, I fail sometimes, I get up and carry on again. And with all other fans I feel this inner connection, that we belong to sth together. The world fandom truly can represent a part of family (btw, I just recently found out that fandom is short for fanatic domain, and not kingdom of fans, as I always thought, but whatever, for me it’s still my own version).
I feel so much better with all these worlds that I’m a part of. I feel much much richer, I feel like I know and have something really valuable, a very fascinating secret, that no one else has, even if they saw the movie or read the book, I still know that it’s not the same. I don’t think I can put my feelings into words and describe. I think this quote can somehow represent my thoughts. “A reader lives thousands of lives. A person who never reads, lives only one”.
That’s so freaking true, cause I feel like I’ve done and achieved so many things, I’ve experienced so much that you can’t even tell. For me going to cafes or clubs doesn’t count as an experience. But living through all these lives in different times, with lots of different people and places, that’s what I can count as an experience. Obviously, I don’t mean that I exchange my life for a fictional one, of course not, I just live in both of them. Because of all the things I saw or read now I’m more picky in my life choices or decisions but not in a bad way. I just choose very deliberately in everything, cause I can surely say that I know a lot and I’ve experienced a lot, even though some of this might be in another world. Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.
And when I feel down, I have many “places” I can go to, many characters that talk to me and can help me and they did help me a lot. There’s this wonderful rule that works for me. Whenever I feel a little upset or uncertain I will always find the right movie or book that will talk to me as God answering to my questions. Whenever sth happens I compare it to a similar thing in fictional world, and think that if they found a way to come out of this situation as a winner, so will I. And of course there’s so many quotes both philosophical and funny that always come to the right time and save the day. Especially using quotes when discussing sth in real life with friends or my mom is just the best, because sometimes you just can’t express yourself , describe or find the right words to say, so just know that you always got help.
Stepping into a new world is one of the best feelings. When you know that you got a whole journey and there’s so much stuff you don’t know yet and can’t wait to find out asap, but at the same time you try to slow things down in order not to have to finish it so soon. But you also know that when this book/movie ends, you’ll never be the same, you will be a better, more mature, richer, smarter and wiser version of yourself. You’ll have your soul filled with another amazing story and experience and it will become more and more superior with every new world.
So, to all the worlds that I’m in, to all the stories thank you, for always being there both at my bright and dark times. Thank you for making me the way I am now.