Since we’re slowly getting close to Valentine’s season, which is all about love, I want to talk about the most essential form of that feeling: self-love.
The majority of people suffer from lack of love and self-confidence. The inferiority complex is one of the most infamous negative feelings that people have, even those, who seem fakely confident from outside. If this wasn’t true, how else could you explain the immense popularity of various surgeries? People simply don’t accept themselves the way they are and constantly want to look “better“, or to be more precise – to look like someone else.
The process of sincerely loving yourself isn’t an easy one. One day you feel confident in yourself, the next day you see a photo of a model in Instagram, and all that “love” dies out in an instant, giving way to self-judgement and in some cases even hatred. However, it is possible to learn accepting yourself and being 100% confident in your own skin. It may be hard and take a long time to master that skill, but it is definitely worth the time and effort.
For this post, I’ve gathered some tips and advice on how to start loving and accepting yourself, which I hope will be beneficial for you.
p.s. I mainly talk about physical appearance, because that’s what most people are insecure about. We seem to have forgotten to care about our brains and souls, merely focusing on your body. That’s why the advice will mostly refer to the physical aspect.
1. Look at yourself as a whole. When someone says “oh, I’m so ugly“, and you ask them why do they think so, they start counting all the things they hate about themselves, for instance – a long nose, freckles, fat arms etc. This happens when you don’t see yourself as a whole human being, and instead look at every little “imperfection” with a magnifying glass. Try to see the general image of you, and not its small parts. There is no single person or thing, who will have completely ideal features. The flowers look flawless, but if you closely observe each petal or leaf, you’ll see many defects, but it still won’t make the flower any less beautiful.
2. Swift your attention from your physical appearance. As I’ve mentioned, most of the inferiority complex is connected with our looks. So, we need to always remember, that we’re so much more than that. Our bodies are just the facade of the building where we live. When you want to describe your house, you don’t talk about its outside walls, you always praise the inside, the feeling of home and coziness you’ve created. We don’t consist merely of our vessels. We have our personality, hobbies, mindset, attitudes, feelings and those things are far more important and likable. We all know many examples of how some people look super lovely to us, even though they’re far from the beauty standards. Speaking of which…
3. Forget about the fake standards. Who defines what is beautiful and what’s not? One person adores blue eyes, the other hates it. So, are blue eyes pretty or ugly? Is it good being tall or short? Having straight or curly hair? It all depends on us and our choices. The fake standards were created by the beauty and fashion companies for their commercial purposes only, they shouldn’t be our judges of what’s beautiful. And the trends that exist, they always change. One day people bully you for having big lips, a couple of years later they have a lip injection, because that’s what’s trendy right now. So, there are no rules of being beautiful. That feeling isn’t defined in any specific way.
4. Remember, internet is fake. Social media can be the biggest enemy to self-confidence. We all see models and influencers, who swear that they eat a lot, never work out, never get any surgeries, but look like angels straight from heaven. The most important thing to remember, is that social media is fake. Most of the insta-bloggers and celebrities are photoshoping themselves, and even if they don’t, they all use the advantage of right clothes, makeup, postures, photo angles and lighting. If you don’t believe me, go and take some photos in various ways and you’ll see that in each photo you look differently. And they, as professionals, know when they look good and use that.
5. Stop comparing yourself with others. If you think about it, comparison is so silly. So what if the other person looks beautiful. Does it make me less pretty? Roses look amazing, so do dandelions or lilacs. They have their colors and forms but never compete with each other. You love the lilacs because of their unique color and scent. When you look at peonies you don’t think about tulips, because they’re all different yet all absolutely incredible. Someone looking good doesn’t make you look bad, so this whole comparing doesn’t make sense. Especially when people compare themselves with models, whose careers literally depend on their appearance and they have to look good 24/7, with all the working out, diets, special treatments and beauty procedures. The shadow hard work, that we almost never see online, only envying the results.
6. Get rid of triggers. In the beginning of this process it is advisable to get rid of all the things that make you feel small, ugly or incomplete. Unfollow all those bloggers or models, whom you’ve followed for motivation, but now feel that every time you see their posts, you feel bad. Remember that this is an “escape” method, as in real life you can’t just stop looking at people because you feel insecure. But this can really help you in the beginning of the self-love process. Remember, only follow those people, whose content makes you feel at ease and inspired, not guilty and depressed.
7. Start working on yourself. Sometimes the lack of confidence comes from knowing that you don’t do enough for yourself. If you want to feel good in your body, start working on things you want to improve. Love is an inner feeling, but the outer things sometimes give us a good start on this journey. Start exercising, so your body will be light, strong and healthy, take care of your skin and hair, try different hairstyles and makeup, find your true style, choose clothes that will complement your whole appearance and even personality.
8. Treat yourself good. Don’t become too obsessed with the outer things though. Remember, if you don’t love yourself from within, nothing you do will change that feeling. Start treating yourself like you’re a star, like you’re your best friend, someone you love so much. It’s all about the attitude, once you change it, you’ll notice that your big nose suddenly seems smaller, that your freckles really suit you, snd your body shape is the best.
Another good technique is hanging a childhood picture of yourself to your mirror, and every time you want to say something bad to you, imagine that you’re saying it to your little self. Would you actually dare to say all those horrible things to that precious little child? I doubt it. So, what’s changed? You’re still the same precious creature in the inside, only your vessel has changed a little.
And last but not least remember, that others don’t see you they way you do. They don’t closely observe your every little spot on your face or a stretch mark. They feel your energy, and your energy is what makes you likable or not. So, love yourself first in order to be loved by someone else. Start working on your confidence, even if you have to fake it in the beginning. Life is too short to worry about silly things like this.
However, it is a misunderstanding of modern pop psychology that concludes people do not love themselves. Rather, the harder someone works to improve their appearance or change something about themselves, the more this proves that they love themselves. The definition of “self” is the issue.
When someone says “oh, I’m so ugly,“ they consider themselves, “the self” inside, to be worthy of not being ugly. Thus, they become obsessed with themselves and engrossed in self-love, and strive to make themselves as beautiful outside as they consider the ARE on the inside.
Scripture tells us, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.” (Ephesians 5:29)
Either the Bible is true or the psychologist, and we must choose who to believe. My money would be on the Bible!
So we must interpret behavior based on this truth of Scripture and understand what “the self” is and why one punishes or abuses their body or changes their “image.” It is ALWAYS based in self-love. No one has to “learn to love himself/herself.”
What we must learn to do is love others as much as we love ourselves. Thus, the Bible NEVER commands us to love ourselves, but to love others as much as we love ourselves, which is commanded over and over!
I think we can find truth in everywhere. The thing is, that the nowadays’ generation pays more attention to their looks, rather than their inside, because that’s the modern propaganda, that no one will love you unless you look according to standards, and since we’re quite naive we believe in that in a subconscious level. we want to be loved, accepted and approved by others, that’s why our appearance becomes so essential for us. I agree, we must learn to love others, but I personally think that in order to be kind to others, we need to be kind to ourselves first. thanks for your comment, it really made me think and rethink my writing ☺️
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Great tips!! I’ll be sharing this on my blog! ❤️
thanks so much! I’m really glad you liked it!♥️♥️
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Yes it was very informative!
thanks again ♥️
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Very helpful tips! 👍 Self-dislike is a crime against God, for we are created in the image and likeness, and not accepting ourselves means not accepting the image of our Creator. And yet, if we do not love ourselves, how can we love others, give them what we do not have.😍
thanks a lot! and I absolutely agree with you! everything comes from within, if we don’t have something for ourselves, we can have it for others ♥️
Beautiful beautiful writing. Love the authenticity and the message throughout. Thank you for sharing 🤍
thank you so much! it’s really great to know that you enjoyed it!♥️✨
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