A few days I had another big moment of realization. Or should I say re-realization, as again, it was something I already knew for ages, but came to understand it better this time. I guess even awful things like war or a global pandemic can actually have some positive side-effects, because it’s in times like this, when people start being more conscious and their minds get broaden and they finally start understanding life a little better.

Here’s what I re-realized, the new topic of my monologue. People don’t listen to themselves. We often say, or hear someone saying “follow your heart”, “listen to your heart”, “follow your instincts” etc. But again we think that this refers to big life decisions-what to profession to choose, where to live, whom to marry and so on. While once again, reality is so much easier.

I think, when people are born, they come with some sort of “instructions”, or basic knowledge. You know just like animals, who are born among people, sometimes never even seeing their parents, but somehow instinctively know what to do and how to do it. Same for us, with one difference: when we are born, we get surrounded by lots of grown ups, who don’t listen to their little baby’s needs and do what the doctors or books or internet say. They feed the baby, put him to bed, let him play or make him study, decide what he should wear and all this is the parents want, without caring what the baby or a child actually wants and needs. So when the child grows up, he becomes helpless on his own. Because without someone guiding him, he doesn’t know what he should do. Furthermore, he starts loosing those basic knowledge instructions, or how people often call it-intuition or guts. The ones, who are managed to preserve all this become something special, people wonder how they are managed to guess or know something, while in reality these “superpowers” should have been a common thing.

Maybe my examples aren’t quite clear yet, and you still wonder what do I properly mean. Let me explain better. Have you ever had a period of your life, when you start craving a particular food (not talking about junk food here) ? It can be fruits, vegetables, dairy etc. That for instance you haven’t eaten tomatoes for years, or ate it very rarely, and suddenly you start eating them everyday and you can’t get enough? Here it is, this is a basic example of listening to yourself, your organism. It means that your body need the vitamins contained in tomatoes.

Some people ignore these kind of signals from their organisms, trusting internet and people more than their own intuition, and end up having lots of problems. But if you choose to live right and feel your body and organs, you’ll just instinctively know what you actually need, and what will keep you healthy.

This was a personal example, (as well as some investigations on this topic) as I had these moments quite often. I didn’t eat eggs for 10 years (only once a year for Easter) and suddenly I really felt like eating them and since then, that’s my regular breakfast now. Same for lots of things.

This also explains why pregnant women have that weird craving (of course if they sincerely feel it, and not use it to manipulate and get what they want). Because the child inside them still listens to himself, to his God, because there’s a part of God in every one of us, guiding us through life. That’s why these women start eating things they never ate in their lives, even if it is a weird combination for them.

Another example, again a very simple one. When you suddenly get a feeling of doing something, especially when you don’t feel well, or don’t have good mood, and you out of the blue want to have a cleaning session, or go out for a walk in a park (even if it’s cold and rainy), or decide to take a long bath and felt really good after it. Or when you feel bad and suddenly want to eat or drink something, and after doing it, you instantly feel better. But you should differentiate between “you suddenly felt like doing” and “you were thinking about what to do and decided to do it”. Because everything I say refers to the first category.

I knew all these stuff before, especially the part connected with food, because as I said, I’ve luckily been like this my whole life. But I came to a new realization in the recent month, particularly in these past few days. Because this year, when the level of negativity in the world is so much higher than the average, I suddenly decided to decorate my room with just tonnes of yellow and orange colors, while usually I enjoy dimmed and neutral scheme, even if I choose to have colors. Same with my bullet journal, the pages for October/November look like something a child would do, lots of bright colors and many many doodles. I suddenly felt like being more excited for Thanksgiving rather than Halloween, and even for Halloween I decided to fully decorate my space, but not with creepy things as usual, but again with colorful or neutral things. I didn’t watched any dark movies (except for Coraline) even though I made a whole post about it, I just didn’t feel like it, didn’t want to get into the dark atmosphere, as the atmosphere outside the tv-screen is already dark as hell. So instead I chose the family comedies to watch and light up my mood. All of these I did subconsciously, without questioning or understanding it, not even caring if my room decor or bullet journal don’t look adult-y. And only a few days ago I realized, that because of what’s going on in the world and especially our country, all this negativity and bad events and news that seem flying around like mosquitoes, I chose to surround my home, my little safety corner with colors and decorations, which will somehow try to compensate and neutralize the amount of bad things in life. And I didn’t feel very Halloweeny, or spooky and creepy, because with what’s going on, now is already a huge halloween party, the world wearing the most horrible costume for that.

So, what I wanted to say with this long post: listen to yourselves. Don’t wait for the big moments to come, to finally turn to your heart and soul, because by that time, they might be unavailable. Start listening and paying attention to what your heart really wants in simple daily things: what to eat, what to wear, what to read and watch, with whom to spend time, how to get to work, by walk or by bus etc. Turn off your logic, that says “don’t eat omelette every day for breakfast, choose sth else”, “start a new book, don’t reread this”, “don’t go on foot you’ll get tired” “call this person, or they’ll be offended”, “go out partying on a weekend, or you’ll miss something out”… And just do what you feel like doing. It might be hard at first, but eventually you’ll get there and you’ll start feeling more authentic and true to yourself because you’ll be doing what you want, and not others. But again, reminder, this has to be a sincere feeling coming deep from your hear or subconsciousness, not your own decision. And obviously, I think there’s no need to say, but I’ll do it anyway. There are things in our lives, that we have to do, whether we like it or not. That’s our duties and responsibilities. You can’t say: I don’t feel like feeding the cat, or paying the bills, studying for exams, finishing the report etc. Apart from that, when it comes to things relating only to you, your free time, your choices, do listen to yourself. You’ll see how easy and beneficiary your every choice will become