What could possibly become the reason of this throwback? Yeah, that’s right, music, again. In fact, this time it is justified, cause everything was connected with music. Last year, around this time, little sooner and later on. Of course the season itself inspired me, but I had another huge inspiration. And that was music, which I found and which became my life. Or maybe vice versa. I was living through it, breathing it. Sleeping with headphones, waking up and the first thing I did was playing piano. Getting ready for university, but still playing it until it’s the last second to came out of the house. On the road again headphones and my fingers automatically playing the melody in the air. I considered myself so much luckier and richer than everyone else because I had my music. Maybe it sounds really stupid now, but that’s how it was. I felt like I had this huge and mysterious secret which made me special. It made me not to care about anything else. Lessons? Interesting lectures? Pff, bitch please, I have sth much better and more fascinating. I was obsessed with music and not only listening to it but also playing it. Mostly playing it to be honest. But that was a positive obsession, it motivated me, inspired me. To live, to create, to overcome all the problems. Because with a playlist like that I could kill a monster in the blink of an eye. That’s when you know that the song or the melody is divine. You basically can’t get over it, it constantly plays in your head, even when you don’t listen to it. And it’s not just some sort of music, it’s life.
Another thing that contributed to my nostalgia was the visit to my, already ex-university. It was an incredible feeling, I haven’t had for years. It’s the happiness that you are no longer a “prisoner” here. You don’t have to go here every single day, you have no obligations connected with this building anymore and now it’s just the good place, with amazing nature, peaceful atmosphere where you can enjoy a lovely walk around or just sitting on the benches. But it was also a little sad and melancholic feeling, with lots of memories. Good or bad, these were an important part of my life and I can’t but feel nostalgic. Though everything bad has already faded away, so it’s mostly the positive memories. The rides to uni. Music again. The feeling of upcoming autumn and my favorite sweater weather. Rushed coffees before lessons or during short breaks. That special feeling that I had, that yes, I still study here, but psychologically I don’t belong here anymore. I have another life, outside of everything connected with uni. And that’s what made it so special, with music included. Cause it kind of reminded me that uni was temporary, soon I’d finish the lessons and got back to my other life, with its wonderful Ost.
I don’t even know whether this all makes sense to others or not. It does though, in my head. That’s how I recall it. I never thought I’d say this, but I’d love to go back for only one day, one perfect day with everything described above. To feel these feeling for the first time, have this creative inspiration or muse. Just to capture these moments one more time with better attention. Still I do, closing my eyes, listening to these songs again, I am there, a year ago. Forgetting all the bad stuff, it’s only good there, in this layer of my memories. So glad I have all these layers of different times of my life. The memories featuring the songs of that time, mental photos and events that happened. Even smells, food and everything else. I don’t live in the past, but I often visit it, as it’s fun, having all these mixed emotions once again. Sadness, happiness, nostalgia, pride. Now I finally understand the meaning of the word “bittersweet”. Cause that’s how memories feel.
p.s. I always name the songs that I’m inspired by, but it’s not this case today, cause they’re too precious for me to share. Yes, I’m that type of person, jealous of my favorite stuff being admired by others most of the times.